Last Request
by Ashayavar
Summary: Spock is about to leave for Gol and Kirk must find the proper way to say goodbye to his former lover forever. K/S, obviously. Oneshot. Songfic with lyrics from Last Request by Paolo Nutini.


I found this in my Star Trek fanfiction vault and don't know why I never published it, so here you are. My first songfic. Honest reviews appreciated!

**Disclaimer**: Lyrics from _Last Request_ by Paolo Nutini. I don't own it or Star Trek.

**Last Request**

Your few possessions are already packed by the time I arrive. It wasn't as though I didn't expect it, but some small part of me hoped to find everything in its usual place and you waiting for me with open arms. But your quarters are bare, and everything you own fits into a few bags. The room has been reset to the ship's normal temperature. My breath catches in my throat; it seems like time itself is moving at warp speed. You've left no reason to linger. Do you have to leave so soon?

_Slow down, lie down.  
Remember it's just you and me._

You turn to acknowledge my entrance, but you don't meet my gaze. You greet me formally, and there's no warmth in your voice. You address me as "Captain". It's been years since I had to tell you to call me Jim in private. But now it's as though those no time has passed and we're meeting for the first time all over again. It's as if all those moments we shared have been erased. And I know that if you have your way, that's how you'll leave: with a formal goodbye, no recognition of what we once meant to each other. And I won't let that happen.

_Don't sell out, bow out.  
Remember how this used to be._

You stiffen as I approach you, your eyes growing distant even as the gap between us thins. I tell you to look at me, but it's not a command. Reluctantly, your eyes find mine. I know you can see the pain there, but also the determination. Slowly, cautiously, I place my hands on your arms. You've become so still, it's like you were carved from stone, the statue of an angel carved by a renaissance master. I can feel the faintest quiver as my hands brush yours.

_I just want you closer,  
is that alright?  
Baby let's get closer tonight_.

You say my name, but no longer does it sound like a prayer set free from your lips. Now it's pained, a plea for me to release you. But instead I lean in closer, and wrap myself around you. Slowly, stiffly, you encircle me in your strong arms and I lay my head against your shoulder. I'm breathing in your scent, the heat and spice of Vulcan. Your body is warm, and yet I've never felt so cold.

_Grant my last request  
and just let me hold you.  
Don't shrug your shoulders,  
lay down beside me.  
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,  
but one last time let's go there.  
Lay down beside me._

Is this it? I ask yet again. It's no longer really a question, but I'm unable to stop myself from repeating it as though doing so will change the universe. I'm sure I'll keep asking even after you're gone. How long will it be before I accept that you will never answer?

_I've found, that I'm bound  
to wander down that one way road._

You've made your decision. You'd chosen your path long before you met me. The brief happiness we shared…it was never meant to last. Because you could never stray from your path for long. You lost yourself for a time, and I soaked up every second of it, foolishly believing that I could stretch those precious moments into infinity. Even now a part of me believes that we can just stand here forever and if I only hold on tight enough, I'll never have to watch you go.

_Oh and I realize all about your lies,  
and I'm no wiser than the fool I was before_.

But the time is still speeding by, and I sense your growing unease. Knowing I'm about to lose my chance, I stare again into your face, searching for some crack in your façade, but that Vulcan mask is too goddamn perfect. And so I study your features as though worried I might forget them, all the while knowing that this isn't possible.

_I just want you closer,  
is that alright?  
Baby let's get closer tonight_.

My eyes plead with yours, but they don't give ground. Refusing to be denied, I find my voice. Please, I ask you. I may never see you again. Please, allow me this. Let me say goodbye in my own, human way. Finally something shifts behind your eyes, and I can see reflected in them a small piece of the man I once knew. Just a piece, small but sacred nonetheless. I stretch upward and catch your lips against mine.

_Grant my last request  
and just let me hold you.  
Don't shrug your shoulders,  
lay down beside me._

_Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,  
but one last time let's go there.  
Lay down beside me  
_

I cannot feel your thoughts as I once could. My mind remains my own. And so I focus on the feel of your mouth and the texture of your lips against my tongue, remembering how they once moved with a passion that even I hardly dared to believe, remembering the joy that once spilled from your thoughts and flooded my consciousness. I remember the utter sense of belonging. You don't reciprocate, but allow me to satisfy myself. But it doesn't matter, because I know that you remember too. This kiss is for both of us.

_Oh baby baby baby baby  
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?_

I can't keep it up. I retreat, but you don't breathe a sigh of relief. You don't react at all. Your eyes are stony again. I look away, no longer able to face them. And suddenly I am overcome with a new kind of pain, the kind that comes when you can no longer deny the situation at hand, but do not yet know how to understand it. I wish you would leave, because suddenly your presence feels all wrong. Your once-familiar face wearing the mask of a stranger, standing in a room that's now bare and too cold. Head bowed, I step aside and allow you to glide past me, always with inhuman grace. No final words pass between us. We have nothing more to say. I keep my head bowed, my back turned on the exit as I hear the doors open, then close. Then there is only my breathing. A small part of me feels you standing behind me still, waiting in silence for me to turn. I keep my eyes tightly shut, holding on to the ghost of you for as long as possible. But then I turn, and there's no one there. And I'm alone.

_Grant my last request  
and just let me hold you.  
Don't shrug your shoulders, no,_

_lay down beside me.  
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,  
but one last time let's go there.  
Lay down beside me_


End file.
